Irrational Fears and Fragmented Souls

As a kid I was terrified of the Virgin Mary. We used to hear stories about other children who had seen her, for example at Fatima and in Yugoslavia. The topic came up often at our Catholic School and the kids were always revered. 

Once or twice we heard of very holy children who saw her and died young. What terrified me though, was the thought of a supernatural being appearing in the 1st place. How scary! When we prayed I would ask her not to appear and I would also keep my eyes shut. The thought of seeing her freaked me out. Growing up in a Catholic family, you can imagine how much this stressed me out. It wasn’t just the Virgin Mary that scared me. I was also scared of seeing angels. Ghosts and monsters didn’t frighten me so much because I didn’t think they were real. 

Why was I so worried about seeing an angel? Not sure this is the answer, but something came up in one of my classes this year. We were learning about Soul Retrievals and one of my classmates tried to heal me and I rejected it. Soul Retrieval has to do with traumatic experiences that are too much for us to assimilate, and this causes a piece of our soul to break off. In a session the healer would use clairvoyance and intuition to identify the moment when the soul fractured and then use healing to bring it back. This is how we would describe it in spiritual terms. A doctor who works with the human mind might look at it in a different angle. 

So how does this tie into my fear of seeing the supernatural?  My classmate sensed a toddler Geena who was frightened by a ghoul in the streets. She told me that the experience has traumatized me and I'd blocked it out.  I was also blocking my clairvoyance. Funny thing is I think she's right. I can feel, hear and sense Ascended Masters and angels but I do not see them clearly. And I never see earth bound spirits. She tried to send healing to my toddler-self, but I wasn't ready to accept it. Even now I am reluctant to see dark energies and spirits. When people ask I like to reply that I only see nice things. One of my friends heard this and told me we should be scared of the dark. After all you can only see light in darkness. 

It's been a few weeks since the session and I've been meditating on it. Still wondering if and when I'll be ready to integrate that part of my soul again. Would I mean that I'll see everything? I think I want to. It all goes hand in hand with some of the other fun topics that we've studied in school, including Spirit Release. So far I've had one instance where I am sure that my client had some sort of spirit attached. I could feel it in the room but I couldn't see it. In that case I asked Archangel Michael to come take it away and only held the space. It was not as scary as I thought it would be and I was left with a little bit of an adrenalin rush at the end of the session. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. 

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Reiki hugs, Regina